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Associated Press
Republican nominee-to-be Mitt Romney waves before his donors’ conference.

Late-night laughs

The best of recent jokes by late-night comedians:

David Letterman

“Political candidates have to be very inventive when it comes to fundraising because there are federal laws. So Mitt Romney had a thing where if you would give him $50,000 you could spend the weekend with him. And for an extra $5,000 he will let you touch his hair.”

“Republicans are now talking about President Obama, saying he’s not much of a president. They’re also saying he is a lousy vampire hunter.”

Conan O’Brien

“Obama called Romney a pioneer of outsourcing jobs. A spokesperson for Romney said, ‘I dare him to come to India and say that to my face.’ ”

“Mitt Romney has accused President Obama of pandering to the Latino community. The president said he’s too busy to comment because he’s watching Telemundo and eating chalupas.”

Craig Ferguson

“Scientists say over the next hundred years, the coast of California will sink almost five feet. So the presidential candidates need to do something. Mitt Romney is conflicted. On one hand, he denies that global warming exists. But if California is under water, he would definitely win the next election.”

“President Obama would be affected too. Because if there’s no more Hawaii, where would he pretend to be born?”

Jimmy Fallon

“Mitt Romney’s weekend retreat also included a buffet dinner. Which explains why Gov. Chris Christie’s invitation got ‘lost in the mail.’ ”

“Yesterday President Obama released a new commercial aimed at female voters. Which explains the commercial’s title, ‘Fifty Shades of Change.’ ”

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