Did you ever wonder what it’s like to get a call saying that your son or brother has been shot to death? Did you ever wonder what trivial conflicts led to many of the hundreds of killings that have taken place in Fort Wayne in the past generation?

Maybe if more young people knew the answers to those questions, or even pondered those questions, they would learn to step back and think before letting inconsequential actions turn into deadly confrontations.

Something like that went through the mind of Mari Love, a junior psychology student at IPFW, a couple of weeks ago when someone she knew, Justin Bush, was shot to death in a local bar.

In a matter of days, Love had designed the framework for a group called Y.A.D.A.D.A. – Young Adults Demanding a Different Approach.

Her message is that it’s OK to be positive and it’s OK to walk away from conflict.

“If you’re in a bar and someone steps on your shoe, it’s OK to walk away,” Love said.

It’s that unwillingness to walk away that has led to many of the nearly 800 killings that have occurred in Fort Wayne in the past generation.

“Everyone wants to look like the tough guy,” Love said. “They all want to be the alpha male,” and refuse to back down from even the most trivial of conflicts.

“They want to look cool and look tough.”

Refusing to back down has proved a deadly strategy.

“We want to break the image that that is cool,” Love said.

“My goal isn’t to grab guns or meet with gangs,” Love said. “I don’t want to fight violence. I want to set a new standard, to create a new attitude,” especially among those 18 and older, because they are the ones who are dying.

So at 4 p.m. on Friday in the ballroom of Walb Student Union at IPFW, with the support of the Urban League and the NAACP, Love will officially kick off Y.A.D.A.D.A.

Among those speaking will be three people who have lost family members to violence – David Fett, the brother of William Fett, who was beaten to death in his apartment in June; Keisha Myers, the sister of Dreshawn Cooper, who was shot to death at Oliver and Green streets in June; and Gary Bush, the brother of Justin Bush, who was shot to death in a bar on Halloween night.

Looking back on many of the hundreds of killings that have taken place in the city, “They all could have been avoided,” Love said. “There are always ways to avoid murder.”

“The goal is to change the approach to conflict, so that picking up a weapon or throwing a punch will not be the answer or the outlet,” Love said in a prepared statement.

Love has invited area high schools, universities and organizations to the event, and she hopes that young people will pledge to take a different approach to disagreements.

But in a city where many young people are carrying guns, won’t that be hard, I asked Love?

The ones carrying guns are the cowards, Love said. They don’t have the strength to resolve conflicts.

But will it be hard to change people?

Not hard, Love said. It’s a process, one person at a time. It will just take time and patience, she said.