Q. I have a mentor at work whom I profoundly respect, and I’ve tried to have her be my role model. The problem is that we have dramatically different personalities, and I just can’t make some of her habits work for me. Do you have any advice on how to learn from a mentor who is very different from you?
A. Judy Garland once advised, “Always be a first-rate version of yourself instead of a second-rate version of someone else.”
When we have role models and mentors at work, we need to be inspired but not limited by their example. Each person in your workplace has strengths and weaknesses. If you are an extrovert, you think well on your feet but often stick these same feet in your mouth. If you’re an introvert, you think before you speak, but that time thinking may make you miss opportunities to influence others. You will never be an effective carbon copy of your mentor. You can be a first rate version of yourself.
Instead of copying the way your mentor arrives at her success, look at the results she obtains. Next, consider how you might use your strengths to get that same result. I remember reading books in my 20s on selling and influencing others that were written by men. I remember thinking that there was no way these same approaches would work for women in the workplace. In reading these books, I realized I needed to forget about emulating a man’s approach. Instead, I needed to use the unique strengths and benefits of being a woman to influence and sell what I did effectively.
Even aspects of your personality that you judge or don’t like can be assets if you think creatively. If you think you’re too critical, realize that you probably see problems faster than anyone else. If you think you’re too easygoing, you are probably top-notch at bringing a group together. If you think you are too disorganized, you probably excel at creative approaches.
The trick is to use all your strengths and weaknesses to be superb at what you do. A mentor can encourage, inspire and motivate you, but no one knows what you bring to your career more profoundly than you do. If our admiration for a mentor slips into hero worship, the problem is we sell ourselves short. Good mentors use the respect of their protégés to help them discover their unique talents. Good mentors know there will come a day where the mentee will become a peer, and they look forward to that day.
Bad mentors demand and expect protégés to make up for the mentor’s lack of self-esteem by only seeing the mentor on a pedestal of perfection. Bad mentors expect their protégés to be carbon copies of the mentor. The fact that you have a talented superior in your workplace who wants to mentor you means someone highly skilled in your industry thinks you’ve got the right stuff. Now your challenge is to come to that same conclusion yourself!
The last word(s)
Q. If I’m asked to do something ridiculous at work, can I just tell my boss that no one could do what he’s asking?
A. No, instead tell him you’d be happy to help, and ask him to tell you how step-by-step he wants you to do it. Let your boss come to the conclusion that it is impossible.
