Today's Name That 3-Year-Old award goes to John Paul Flanagan of Tequesta, Fla., who's actually 78. He wins it going away for assaulting another golfer while playing a round at Tequesta's Riverbend Golf Course.
This is strong. I mean, first he hits a golf ball at the guy, then he punches him, then he goes into his condo (which borders the practice green), comes back out and starts choking him.
And you thought the rules only gave you one free drop per hole.
Flanagan posted $2,500 bond and was released from jail (no truth to the rumor it was Judge Smails who signed the release). He denied the attack, but told police his issue with the victim was that, according to Flanagan, the victim doesn't pay to play golf and doesn't own property at Riverbend.
I see his point. I mean, who knows where that could lead? You start letting just anybody play golf, and pretty soon scruffy working-class retirees will be out there in their New Balance sneakers and Wal-Mart golf shirts, and proper etiquette will completely go to hell.
For one thing, no one will remember when it's proper to apply chokeholds. And we couldn't have THAT.